This just dropped into my inbox from my esteemed colleague Mr Chris Andrew.
Subject: Now I’m no Fire Safety Inspector…
Body:
…but there’s something in this scene that bothers me:
A couple of months ago, I applied for a job. This is what the ad said:
The onerous tasks
Right now, we need a copywriter to join our incredibly busy but remarkably friendly (and indecently talented) creative team. It’s a chance to work on all kinds of internal brand communications – from posters and brochures to events and viral campaigns to online projects and recruitment advertising to workspace branding and… well, you get the gist.
Apart from being just the job I was after, something else stuck out: the tone the ad was written in. Unlike the majority of job ads, there were no stock phrases or clichés. No one was asking me to be ‘passionate’ about writing; no one was demanding that I had ‘strong interpersonal skills’; and no one was calling the job details ‘specifications’.
All too often, companies forget how important it is to get their tone right – even when word counts are limited and time is tight.
Getting a copywriter to craft your shiny new brochure is all very well, but you’ll come across as two-faced if you sound completely different in other places – in your job ads, in the letters you send to the clients who owe you money, even in the sign on your recycling bin.
What’s more, there’s no point adopting a tone that doesn’t reflect what you stand for as a company. (You only have to look at all the brands trying to copy innocent’s chummy tone to see that it doesn’t work.)
Now that I’ve been at WMW a month, I’ve seen that the tone of voice in the job ad wasn’t just for show. What sounded like a fun company, is a fun company. What sounded like a sense of humour is a sense of humour (the flamingo wallpaper gave it away). And what sounded like mild sarcasm is, erm, just Grant.
I’ve never been comfortable with the notion of values but I’ve never quite known why. And then someone here at WMW crystallised it for me. ‘Patience,’ she wrote, ‘is a much under rated value.’ And that’s when it struck me. Patience is a virtue. It is an action we choose to take. A value is something we hold inside us. It is private. A virtue, on the other hand, is public: it is what we do. This simple semantic thought has led me to the grandiose conclusion that it is far better for a company to extol virtues because these can be observed and managed. Values can only be inferred and aren’t susceptible to managing.
Abandon all talk of values, o firms of the world. You have nothing to lose but your posters.
The ladies of WMW ventured out last night to hip new micro-boutique 40 Winks in Mile End. As far as I could fathom, the event involved dressing in nightwear, sipping cocktails from tea cups and listening to fanciful (i.e. weird) stories. Naturally, us blokes weren’t invited. Though apparently this didn’t stop half of East London’s male population whom, having got wise to the ‘girls in undies’ theme, suddenly warmed to the idea of being transported into a magical, whimsical fairytale land where they could explore their heretofore undiscovered sensitive sides. Anyhoo, Lando’s written a poem about it. I think you’ll agree, it’s enchanting stuff.
Once upon a time…
In a land far away from Clerkenwell (but still this side of Bow); there were eight lovely ladies dressed up from head to toe.
The night was young, the air was warm and excitement filled the air! The first stop was dinner… where the chefs seemed not to care. They tried to poison Jenny TWICE, with pine nuts everywhere.
‘Oh never mind,’ the ladies cried, we have far more adventurous plans… off to the wondrous 40 Winks, for gin, stories and lullabies.
Eight ladies dressed in their finest nightgowns filled the ornate rooms, they sipped cocktails from teacups, nibbled on treats – oh, they were over the moon!
Ascending the stairs to the music room, they were told such enchanting tales… midsummer nights dreams and fairies, sweet romance …Oh! More cocktails!
The opium den was to follow, where soft music flowed through our ears, our eyes were starting to fall… when Mr Carter then said adieu to us all.
The eight lovely ladies sleepily wandered home to bed, and awoke the next morning surrounded by fairies all…perhaps it was only a midsummer nights dream after all.
The End.
I gave a speech on social media at work the other day. It was to IC practitioners in the financial services industry.
The central point of my speech was that trying to use a cascade to irrigate people with information pertinent to what your firm is up to is highly inefficient because communication by cascade is a flawed model.
Oh the irony then that the organisers forbad water at the lecturn for the speaker.
Hedgehog cake
For: Jenny McCarthy
Woolloomooloo!
Upon asking Miss McCarthy what cake she would like, it started out with ‘Oh I’m easy. Just a simple chocolate cake, please…’ followed by an in-depth cake conversation, ending with her favourite children’s cake – the hedgehog cake. Little did she know I would actually make it! It really was fun. Decorating, cutting it into shape and layering it with fur-like icing. Cake bliss if you ask me.
The good: if you haven’t already guessed, I’m quite proud of this little number, and what a beauty this hedgehog was! With its sparkly silver eyes… pink and chocolate glitter coat… and chocolate coated spikes… well you get the point!
The bad: This hedgehog was layered, with icing in between. When the cake came out of the oven however, I was a little silly and didn’t wait until it had cooled down – resulting in the middle icing mostly disappear into the cake! Whoopsy daisies!
Delicious? What’s that saying they have in fashion? No pain no gain? Well I suppose we can apply that here. This cake was all about looks, and when you want to look good – much like 6 inch heels – you need to compromise on comfort (or in our case, taste). So although it tasted pretty good, this hedgehog was definitely more a looker!
Lando x
Like all siblings, my sister and I punctuated our otherwise happy childhood with regular bouts of fisticuffs. My sister, being taller, would deliver devastating noogies; I’d reply with a no less vicious Chinese burns. Fish fingers were the most common culprit. Y’see we’d developed a bizarre competitiveness that meant at every opportunity, we’d gleefully whip out our Barbie rulers and scrutinise the exact proportions of whatever was put in front of us. Bits of toast, fairy cakes, even the unsuspecting yolk of a poached egg. Potential minefields, all of ‘em.
And so to a similar – though less violent – dedication to measurement; Melcrum’s Employee Engagement conference. Taking place in London’s Bloomsbury Hotel (not the other Bloomsbury Hotel a few doors down, as a few perplexed late-comers found), the two-day event rumbled through the questions keeping IC folk awake at night. Is social media a fad? (A: Hell, no) Is there really any substitute for our people having a regular chinwag with their line managers? (A: Not really). Can we really do more with less? (A: You betcha – but only if you’re smart, set the appropriate expectations of what you’ll get, and work with an exceptional agency).
And with each presentation came the inevitable question: “did you measure it?” For it seems that engagement, a previously nebulous ‘nice to have’, has been replaced by science. As I sat through slide after slide of decimal percentile increases, ratios and indexes it was clear that meaty metrics are so hot right now. Keynote presenter Mothercare had the daddy of metrics – a 28% growth in international revenue, attributed in large part to its creation of a company culture, or DNA, modeled on the best people in its business. (‘Attributed in large part’ sounds suspiciously like ‘Possibly was related but we don’t really know despite all the numbers on this here PowerPoint presentation’. Cynical Ed – see this and this.)
Other presenters from the likes of Mars, London Overground Rail Operations and Coca Cola Enterprises also showed the link between the work of their IC teams and improved employee engagement. Here, success was defined by improved EOS scores, rather than demonstrating a direct correlation to bottom line profit. But for the audience – and presumably, the bosses of those organisations – this was proof enough.
Of course, in the current climate IC folk are feeling the pressure to demonstrate the value engagement activities (and they themselves) bring to their organisation. But be weary of overkill. I lost count of the number of people who mentioned they were doing yet another survey on what their people were going to do differently, better, or more of as a result of this and that communication. “I’m not sure what more we can ask of them,” one bemused lady from a high street retailer told me over a muffin. “Isn’t it enough that they’re doing a good job?”
Here, incidentally, are some pictures of WMW’s Victorian sweetshop, where IC folk would gather in droves during mid afternoon coffee to repair their waning energy levels from all that brain action. Eclairs and Sherbet Lemons went down a treat – thanks to everyone who visited. If you’re wondering why our Lord and Master is sat at the counter, it’s because the stand has since been relocated to WMW Towers and Richard has taken it upon himself to become a latter day Willy Wonka.
Revoke golden ticket. Check.
Expect an invitation for a natter over a cuppa very soon. You really must have some of the leftover sweets. Really. We’re struggling here.
Lemon Drizzle cake
For: Design extraordinaire, Chris Browne
Murwillumbah!
For those of you who have just tuned in, this is actually the second time I have made this sweet and scrumptious classic. The first, for Miss McFuzzle (AKA Caroline. Ed.), was so well received that I had a special order placed by Chris to make it once more for his birthday. Although it was a day late (sorry!), it seemed to be worth the wait and pretty darn good!
The good: The lemon drizzle cake is super easy to make, and is fairly impossible to get wrong. It really is as easy as the old Aussie sunscreen saying ‘Slip, Slop, Slap’. You start with castor sugar and slip in some butter, slop in four eggs, flour, almonds and lemon juice, and finally, when it’s all done, slap on your icing sugar! TA-DA!
The bad: Lemon juice and paper cuts do not go well together – youch!
Delicious? In the words of David Teek, “That was very nice, Thank you”. Coming from the master of sugar n’ sweet himself (No idea. Ed.), I’d say that’s a pretty good review!
Lando x
With fresh blood comes fresh ideas. New traditions are born of new perspectives. Case in point: the arrival of Alanda at the beginning of the year. Our generous-spirited young Aussie has committed to creating a bespoke celebratory confection for every member of the team’s birthday. And we’ll be chronicling her efforts right here. With a carrot cake for Kate and a lemon drizzle cake for Caroline already under her increasingly constrictive belt, I’ll hand over to the lady herself to tell you about her latest bravura bake-foolery. Take it away, Lando. No, seriously. It’s incredibly rich.
As a new starter to the wonders of WMW late last year, I was stunned to find that amongst such amazing people there was a serious lack of birthday cheer. It was after one particular awkward moment where I found myself trying (and failing) to start a happy birthday song that I realised some immediate action was required!
Upon receiving a baking book for Christmas (thanks Santa), I knew that birthday cakes were the answer to the problem at hand.
And so now I proudly bring you ‘Lando’s Birthday Surprises’. Surprises, of course, because I can’t guarantee that what you get will be mouth-wateringly delicious! It could be burnt, not cooked, something missing, something extra… well you get the gist.
I will however promise to try my very best and, luck giving, it will all work out brilliantly! So far so good… read on for the good the bad and somewhat delicious details of my cakes to date…
Lando x
Baked vanilla cheesecake with plum topping
For: Grant Saunders
You little beaut!
I’ve never made cheesecake before, and after this result, I will definitely do so again! This little crowd pleaser came straight from the brilliance of Jamie Oliver – with some slight changes from yours truly.
The good: This was a super duper fun cake to make, and having never come across the complexity of a vanilla pod before, it made things even more of an adventure. Also, baking consistency was finger-lickin’ perfect.
The bad: With cherries out of season, and raspberries through the roof, I opted for plums for the topping – but turned out alright, I reckon! Slightly browner around the edges than I would have liked, but nothing to fret over.
Delicious? The votes are in… and I’m going to vote yes!
Just a quick note to provide proof of life.
It’s been a chocka few weeks here at the soaring glass, chrome and testosterone-fuelled testament to man’s hubris we call WMW Towers. But normal service will be resumed shortly.
In fact, if you average out all our posts, we’re probably still just about meeting the SLA implicit in the title of B.L.O.G. (Learnt that trick from the rail companies).
TTFN. Got stuff to do ‘n’ that.
