I’ll be popping on a more constructive post shortly, but sometimes something catches your eye you just have to share.

In this instance, it’s the intro copy to an app for a certain well-known vendor of American college-wear. Before going any further, I strongly recommend you brace yourself. Whiplash from the inevitable cringe reflex is a real possibility. Ready? Deep breath. Here we go:

Hey, you made it! Thought you’d like something to look at while you party with your friends! This is a great way to live ******, and it’s pretty cool when you can take the brand with you on all of your crazy nights. You’re welcome! No, but really, check out what’s goin’ on–it’s good stuff. Feel free to take your time and really get into it; if you look good, no one will care if you’re late, right? So, here’s what you can expect: Check out our latest iconic photography, see what’s happening with our brands, the latest in ****** style, Flagship openings, along with where you can find a store near you. We also have excellent information about who we are as a family of brands. That should give you an idea of what we have to offer–okay, get your plaid on and make it happen!

Is this a spoof? Please tell me it’s an arch, post-modern spoof. It’s not a spoof, is it?

There is doubtless some kind of lesson in here about the importance of authenticity in your brand. But I think it pretty much speaks for itself.

Though, to be fair, it is ‘pretty cool when you can take the brand with you on all your crazy nights.”

I have literally no idea what that means.

It was a vision in neon. As my taxi sped along Weymouth’s faded Georgian esplanade, one guesthouse stood out against the twee B&Bs. Its sign read A Knight’s Rest, For a Noble Sleep, the words flashing from pink to blue like a lonely fairground attraction. Above that, an illuminated (and apparently inebriated) knight on horseback reared up robotically. For all its tackiness and seaside cheek, A Knight’s Rest looked strangely wonderful. Two fingers to the tyranny of bland hotel chains.

My visit to Weymouth came courtesy of New Look. This may seem an unlikely home for one of the UK’s leading fashion retailers, and my task there was equally improbable: over the course of the week I would train 50 non-writers, from marketing assistants to legal advisors to warehouse managers, to produce consistent copy for the intranet.

Now, if you’ve ever dabbled in the dark art of ‘tone of voice’, you’ll know that consistency is crucial to a project like this. And consistency is not normally how you’d describe the output of 50 novice writers. No, the word there is cacophony.

Consider my first group: Charlotte (faux fur coat) sprinkled her writing with feel-good fashion words like ‘gorgeousness’. Malik (chunky-knit cardigan) was at pains to translate IT terminology into everyday language. Jim (hi vis jacket), a fan of crime writing, seeped his subheadings in drama and suspense. So far, so idiosyncratic. I began to think about how much work I or another editor would have to do to bring the copy ‘in line with the brand’.

But as the delegates cheerily put pen to paper, I began to question the logic of consistency: why would you want to bury individual expression beneath corporate tone of voice? In fashion terms, wouldn’t that be like asking everyone to wear a uniform? This is the intranet, after all, a place where you get to know your colleagues. And what better way to get to know people than through the qualities and quirks of their writing? (Your personality always comes through in writing – just look at a lonely hearts ad).

In fact, so much communication is user generated now, I’m surprised more companies haven’t switched from Brand Bibles to a more creative approach; encouraging rather than suppressing different voices. One of the most satisfying things about user-generated content is seeing how different people use language, but the narrow scope of most tone of voice guidelines would rule these ‘inconsistencies’ out.

During my week at New Look I met some brilliant characters, the majority of whom relished the chance to do a bit of writing. When their words go live, they will not be perfect. They will not read consistently like the words in a stick of rock. They will need tweaking. But what they will have over the polished copy of other intranets is the ring of real personality. And that’s why New Look’s intranet will be worth reading.

Writing – like the clothes you wear or the hotel you choose – is ultimately a matter of taste. And without the occasional Knight’s Rest, it’s all just Travelodge.

Neil has no idea I’ve logged in to corrupt his peerless integrity, but I couldn’t in good commercial conscience let an article on his excellent writing course go by without a proper plug. You can find out more here. It’s dead good. TTFN, Grant.

If you work in advertising, you probably recognise the acronym above. It’s something of a golden rule – Keep It Simple, Stupid. I suppose you could call it jargon. And jargon’s bad, right? Read any tone of voice guidelines and they’ll tell you to avoid it like the bubonic. But keeping it simple isn’t always quite that simple.

First let’s think about why people use jargon. Yup, it’s sometimes used to project expertise when said expertise is sadly lacking. But often it’s actually a shortcut – a way to reduce the word count when communicating a familiar concept between two people who operate in the field.

Speaking of operating, a good example is a busy hospital emergency room. You and I might find the barks of “50ccs of KCl through an IM, stat!” baffling. But I’m sure glad they don’t waste time spelling it out – I’m bleeding over here!

So is jargon a Good Thing? Yes. No. Sometimes. It’s all about context, innit? Good communication is about getting across your message as clearly and concisely as possible. And that’s exactly what many examples of jargon have evolved to do. The problem arises when a specialist uses it to communicate to non-specialists.

No wonder it’s anathema to consumer brands. The cynics among us may argue the byzantine language of financial services is designed to deliberately obfuscate. That’s probably part of it. But a kinder explanation might be that someone who’s intimately acquainted with the ins-and-outs of actuarial theory may have trouble describing it in simple terms to a lay audience.

Rightly, brand teams seek to proscribe language that may confuse and alienate customers. But applying the same approach to communications between specialists and you don’t make it straightforward – you make it facile. Clarity is sacrificed at the altar of simplicity. And, in your search for brevity, you actually create verbosity by banning shorthand.

Perhaps the problem is one of definition. Merriam Webster offers:

1. The technical terminology or characteristic idiom of a special activity or group

2. Obscure and often pretentious language marked by circumlocutions and long words

There we have it. Jargon is either the everyday language of a specialist group or it’s deliberately obscure and pretentious language. So, which is it? Take it on a case by case basis and you’ll invariably find the answer with the supreme court of all communication: your audience. IMHO.